Let's Talk Relationships

Let's talk relationship! You know, the single kind.

Recently, the Style Network aired a special on Sherri Shepherd's wedding. I am truly happy for Sherri as she has found the man of her dreams. And I'm also happy for Niecy Nash. Both she and Sherri are 40 Something, Single Mothers who are now, experiencing LOVE again.

I can relate to both of these women who were divorced, over 40, single working mothers, who had been through some not-so-satisfying relationships and prepared themselves for love again. 

Actually, I can relate to all women, those who are single, separated, divorced, single mothers, empty-nester and single grandmothers. That's right, I have experienced each one of these statuses.

Through trial and error, I have been in a couple of relationships since my divorce, almost 18 years ago. Yes, it has been that long. If anyone had told me that I would still be single 18 years later, I would have seriously given them the side eye (O-o) and any other kind of eye that said "You have lost your mind".

It was only my intention to remain single just for a few years since I had gotten married so young (21 y.o). Since that age, I have been either someone's wife or mother. So, I figured, hey, I'll live a little, enjoy the single life, then settle down again in about 5-7 years. That would have given me enough time to 'explore' the single life, a little bit. (Now, I can write a book about that bad boy).

When I got divorced, I had a young child (5 y.o.), so the divorce left me being a single mother, who had not yet completed her college education and had no clue about what she wanted to do with her life. It was scary to say the least, because I had this young person who would count on me to raise, teach and guide him in his life. But at that time, that was not my focus. My focus was to just live it up as a single lady. It was the first time in my life that I got to live alone; well just me and my child. That's because, I went from my mother's house, to a college dorm, to getting married and then moving to another country with my then-husband. So, I never had the chance to just be a single gal, experiencing the nightlife with no responsibilities. Even when I was in college, I was still under the rule of the Dorm Mothers, so there was limited freedom there. Besides that, as a college student, I couldn't afford to live it up....

Fast forward 18 years later, I am still single. And there was a time when I thought I would be an empty-nester for a while, but it didn't quite turn out that way either. Single again for almost 18 years. Sure didn't see that coming.....

If I knew back then at the age of 25 what I know now at the age of 45, things would be a lot different. I mean that. Back then, the things that I wanted in a man, were all about the physical. And I do mean physical, the masculine body, the way he walked, the sex, the car he drove, how he dressed, all of that. That is exactly where was my mind was then.

Now, I am so far removed from those things, because those things come and go, as evidence in my life. We, those of us who are over the age of 40, have been through enough foolishness to know that it has nothing to do with what's on the outside of man, but instead, what is on the inside of him. At this age, the tender young age of 45, a very grown woman, I look beyond what I can see with my physical eye and focus on that which I can see with my spiritual eye.

Anyway, I said all of that to say this. I DON'T WANT TO BE SINGLE NO MO!!!!

Am I complaining? ...............No!

Am I satisfied with my life? ......................For the most part!

Am I satisfied with my single status? ............Absolutely not!

So, what am I going to do about it? ..............I'm glad you asked!

I've been involved with some good guys (to be discussed in future posts). Guys who would probably make some women some good husbands. They just weren't the guys for me. And I just couldn't pretend anymore, that they were.

But now, I am looking for something 'special' in my guy. That something that I will know, will be evidence to me when I experience it. He will be that guy who is 'AWAKENED', if you know what I mean; conscious of how he is living and how he wants to live. He will be the guy who is strong when I am weak and vice versa. He will catch me when I fall and He will have an ear to hear me (with his heart). And I mean all of that in a spiritual sense.

If you notice, I didn't mention his physical appearance, his career, his financial status or any of those things. Those things are ok, but I'm looking to connect with him on a spiritual level. And I'm not talking about someone who is sooooo DEEP in quoting the Bible, drowning me in it, yet, he is not living any of it. Huhhhh! I need for his actions to speak louder than his quotes of the scriptures......Hey, I'm just saying.

And when that happens, when that person shows up, I believe that everything else will be as it should be.

So, I've decided to give online dating another try. I did it a few years back, but nothing came of it. I know that online hookups have worked well for a lot of people, so I'm setting an intention for it to work for me. However, I'm going to forego all of the popular sites like Match, E-harmony, Chemistry, or any of those. Instead, I'm going to research and check out some of the spiritual sites and see what's happening on them.

Also, I'm going to network and see if I can get a hookup like Niecy did for Sherri. Niecy was introduced to her husband by a mutual friend and then they turned around and introduced Sherri to her guy. Niecy said that she wanted to pay it forward. So, I need to network with some folks who want to pay it forward; who can hook me up. If that's you, give me a call or send email....lol. 




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