When Daddy Issues Lead to Baby-daddy Issues

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I am one of the many females who grew up without a daddy in her life. My mom met my stepfather when I was only 6 months old and they split when I was 8 years old. And although my stepfather has been there for some of my momentous occasions, I have felt daddy-less for most of my life.

A little back history. Having those feelings of being daddy-less have, for the most part, caused me to feel rejected, neglected, abandoned and unlovable when it comes to men. There has been this sense of brokenness and aloneness that has always been lurking in the shadows of my life. And because of this brokenness, I always seemed to choose the wrong men for relationships. It was those daddy issues, that led to baby-daddy issues because those same feelings of brokenness packed their luggage when I packed mine and together, we all traveled into a marriage that was doomed from the start.

I knew going into the marriage that I still had those feelings of rejection and abandonment. But some part of me wanted to believe so bad that I was lovable and that there was somebody, anybody out there who really wanted me. So, when the time came to join with that somebody, I jumped in head first when I should have been going in heart first. And during the entire length of that relationship, there was turbulence and each of those feelings were right there smack dab in the middle of it all.

It was those daddy issues, that held me hostage for so long that they surfaced often, even after my husband and I had a child. It was that same issues that spilled over into the relationship and made everything come to blows. It was those issues that turned my husband into a baby-daddy. And many more issues arose out of that. We finally had enough of the drama and finally called it quits. A person can only tolerate so much. The funny thing is that neither of us ever recognized what was happening until many years later and we're okay with it now.

I'm not here to throw shade at my ex-husband or any of the guys that I have been in relationships with because none of this is about them. All of this is about me, the missing and broken pieces of my life and you and what you can glean from it.

It is by God's grace that I healed. I wanted what I saw cousins and friends had, the security and love of a daddy, but those desires escaped me and it took years of praying, fasting, retreating and meditating that finally got me past that pain. I knew that there had to be a release.

• I had to release those feelings of being rejected, neglected, abandoned and unlovable. 
• I had to release my daddy who was never there for me. I prayed and got a new perspective on why that was so and here is what the conclusion that I came to; his only role was to produce the sperm that got me here. Then his scene in my story/movie was over. He was no longer needed and this is why my mom met my stepdad when I was only  months old. This really got me through and helped me to release him. 
• I had to release my stepdad who I felt loved me, but not enough and not the way that love the ones who were his biological children. He had one child with my mom and others from different relationships so although I was his first experience at fatherhood, I was not his first biological child. As I said, he was there for important things that happened in my life like he gave me away at my wedding, and he came and loaded up his truck to take me and my mom to school as I embarked on my journey of the college life in another state. And he was there for other occasions as well. But there was still an emptiness inside of me; a feeling that something was still missing. 
• I had to release my ex-husband and asked him to forgive me for all of the baggage that I brought into the relationship that caused it to be doomed from the start. I had to release him from what I thought he lacked in giving me when I had not given it to myself. I made my brokenness his responsibility when it was not. and that was so unfair to him. That is why I asked for his forgiveness. 
• I had to release other men who got the backlash of broken marriage that did not live up to the expectation of healing my brokenness. 
• And I had to release myself from those feelings and to forgive myself in the mess that I caused in my own life for many years. 

Isn't it funny how feelings that we never knew existed can rear their ugly heads at the most inopportune times? Isn't it funny how issues with the first male who is suppose to love us unconditionally are the first ones to make us question every other relationship that we encounter? Isn't is funny that those issues with our daddy sets the stage for future relationships whether good or bad. When we lack love and connection in relationship with our daddy, we tend to choose wrong in other relationships, expecting from those relationships what we did not get from him.

And in many cases, not all, women will get pregnant by a man who she knows has the same qualities and issues that her daddy has with rejection, neglect, and abandonment hoping that this will somehow make everything better. They overshadow their baby with the love that they feel has escaped them. That is when daddy issues become baby-daddy issues. And when it does not work out with the baby daddy, we start to feel that we are right back where we started, broken and alone. It becomes a repeated cycle until it is broken.

So I want to ask you were there daddy issues in your life? Have you carried those issues into your relationships?

Even though there were still missing pieces of my life to completely heal me, the part of releasing my dad, stepdad and ex-husband was done but there was still plenty more that needed to be done. Stay tuned!






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